204. Accept and Fix Your Failed Attempts by Loving Yourself as You Grow

I can just decide I'm going to have a business, I'm going to serve people, I'm going to help people, sometimes I'm going to get to do exactly what I want, sometimes I'm not. But throughout that process I can be good enough with myself as an individual, know that I am a success, I'm a wonderful human being doing the best I can, not perfect. And I can also then say that when something does not turn out the way I wanted, that yes, that attempt did in fact fail you. Welcome to the Three day Weekend Entrepreneur podcast where we help you create the personal and professional life you most desire, impact more people and make more money in less time doing what you do best so you can create the life you want outside of work and better enjoy your family, your friends and your life. Go to threedayweekendclub.com to join our community for free.

Maybe you've heard the idea that failure is an event, not a person. I'm wondering how you process not getting what you aimed for. There are a lot of schools of thought around this. And I know when I grew up in, the lot of people were very intense about this, in the sense that your self esteem, your worth as a person, a lot of times was in some way tied to your performance. Or at least that's what many people seem to live by.

So that if I was able to do something, I would be worthwhile. If you were able to perform in some way, you would be valuable. And many people would equate their value as a human being with their ability to do something and to use an idea that I heard the author Wayne dyer talk about, that we are human beings, not human doings. That our self worth, who we are, what we're about being created, whether you believe it's by a creator or randomly. But being alive is something that is a virtue of us being, not whether we do, when we stop doing, we don't die.

We still exist. And so back then, so much of it and still for some people today, this idea that if I don't do something well, that I'm a failure, has now gone back almost the other direction to where now people seem to be afraid of saying that they failed at something. And so there's almost this defensiveness like, well, I'm not a failure. And so much so that nothing I ever do ever fails. It's all just learning.

Okay? So I very much resonate with the idea that, yes, we're always learning and every time that we are unable to make something happen that we hoped would happen, that there's an opportunity to learn. Now, failure does not guarantee learning. Many people fail at things and they just keep failing over and over again and again. Doesn't mean they're bad people, doesn't mean that they as human beings are failures.

But if I'm trying to put a basketball in a basket and it doesn't go in, I failed. I was unable to put the ball in the basket. I failed at that attempt. Doesn't make me a failure. But if I'm unable to admit that I failed at putting the ball in the basket, if I'm so caught up on the flip side of this now where nothing I do ever fails, everything's just this opportunity for learning, well, what if you never get paid?

What if you never put the ball in the basket? What if you never are able to create what you want in life? Are you going to continue and just say, well, you know what? That's not really what I wanted, or is that a lie? Is it a lie to say that I didn't want the ball to go in the basket or I don't care if the ball went in the basket, or I don't care if my business survives?

There is a greater truth to say, yes, I do care, and an integration of the best parts of both ideas to say, number one, my worth as a human being is not determined by what I do. So I am infinitely valuable, lovable, loved, however you viewed the world, spiritually, psychologically, whatever it might be. So I'm an infinitely valuable human being as a person, but I failed to make the shot. I failed to make the sale. And so in the entrepreneurial world, in the sports world, there are values.

In the movie box office world, the actor or actress that can generate more income than the person that can't is more successful, at least by that measure, in doing what they do. Now, again, doesn't mean they're happy, doesn't mean they have a fulfilling family life. I'm not looking to reduce life to one definition, but simply to say that we can embrace the idea that in fact, we are so okay. We are so infinitely valuable as human beings that when we fail to do something the way we had hoped we would. That we can say, yes, I failed at Shark Tank, which has nothing to do with whether I'm a failure or not.

And then now I have this decision to make. Am I going to pursue this or am I going to let it lie? I might decide, you know what? That's not my area of genius. I thought I wanted it or I tried it, and, yeah, I got the result, but I actually don't like the process.

So I'm going to go about this a different way. And this might be something to the point of saying, let's say I'm a coach, and I want to help a certain number of people through my coaching, but to bring them on, I need to, in some way, market and sell. So I might try webinars, and I might do webinars, and maybe I'm horrible at webinars. I still want to coach. I still want to make an impact on people's lives, but webinars doesn't work for me.

And so I'm going to acknowledge I'm not very good at webinars. I failed at webinars, and it doesn't seem to play to my strengths. But over here, one on one sessions, strategy sessions, or going live on the Internet or TikTok or Instagram, whatever it might be, I'm going to try that different approach. And so now I'm able to again, acknowledge that I failed at something and I could either decide to get better or not. In this case, I'm going to try something different.

And that next thing, I get some success and say, you know what? I'm more comfortable doing this. I like this. This is more in the sweet spot of what I enjoy. And so I'm going to get better at this.

And even the first time, maybe I failed to get the numbers I wanted, but I got some success. I got 20% success, whereas before I completely failed. Now I can still with my value intact from my own point of view that, yes, I'm still infinitely valuable as a human being, but I want to be more valuable in the marketplace. I can accept that. When I did webinars, they didn't work for me.

And again, this is not a knock on webinars. Webinars are awesome for some people, but in this case, I can look at whatever it is that didn't work for me and say, you know what? That strategy didn't work for me. This other one did. I'm going to continue moving forward, and yes, I am going to learn from my failed attempts and I'm going to process them.

I'm not just going to say, oh, well, if I keep failing, I'm going to learn. No, you can just keep failing and doing stupid stuff and make no money and make no impact and not put the ball in the basket. I'm going to learn from these things. I'm going to look to develop wisdom from it. And the whole while I'm going to be okay with just enjoying the process.

And this is how you enjoy the game. This is whether you're an athlete or an entrepreneur or a parent, is to say, I'm going to enjoy the struggle. I'm going to enjoy being in a competitive match where the other team is up and there's a little bit of time left and maybe there's a chance for me to come back. If you follow basketball at all, or if you've ever played basketball, so many young kids dream of hitting that last second shot to win the game. And in the scenario, they're not winning the game by 20 points, and they add two more points to it.

In the scenario, everything's on the line. There's risk, there's danger. They're down by a point. That's the nature of basketball. You can be down by one point, and if you miss the shot, you lose, and if you take the shot, you win.

And so there can be a lot at stake and you can enjoy that feeling, that adrenaline rush to say, wow, there's a lot on the line, and enjoy taking the shot, knowing that if you don't take the shot, you can never make it. You can never have that last second shot attempt go in and feel that joy, that happiness of, yes, success, of doing something well if you're not willing to take the risk. And then additionally, if you take the risk once and the shot doesn't go in, then my suggestion is absolutely do not label yourself as a failure, but be okay to say that, yes, the attempt was a failure. I messed up on the shot. My footwork wasn't right.

I shot it too early, whatever it is. And now I can do better. So I hope this serves you in being able to simultaneously embrace failure and at the same time not make a whole lot of it. To be able to say yes, I'm trying passionately to do this thing I want to do, and I'm going to put in my whatever, how many hours you want to put in. In my case, I'm going to put in my 30 to 34 hours ish per week.

I'm going to put in my four days per week. Most weeks, sometimes a little bit over that, but usually my four days. And whatever happens after that, I'm going to be okay. I'm still a success. I'm not a failure.

And additionally, from a very practical standpoint, I'm going to make sure I'm budgeting and spending my money in such a way that me not making that sale isn't going to cause a whole lot of turmoil in my personal life or my family life or my life as a father trying to, with my wife, provide for our family. I'm going to make sure that I'm still kind of stacking the deck in my favor. I'm not cheating, but I'm saying I don't have to go all in every time. I don't have to put all my chips on the table and have every week be this up and down dramatic experience of am I going to make it or am I not? I can just decide.

I'm going to have a business. I'm going to serve people, I'm going to help people. Sometimes I'm going to get to do exactly what I want. Sometimes I'm not. But throughout that process, I can be good enough with myself as an individual, know that I am a success, I'm a wonderful human being doing the best I can, not perfect.

And I can also then say that when something does not turn out the way I wanted, that yes, that attempt did in fact fail. I failed to win the championship. I failed to make the sale. I failed to do whatever it is which then allows me then to make that decision. What am I going to do next?

Am I going to reengage? Am I going to try something different. And so being able to love yourself in the process, to push forward with all the hustle and the energy you want and yet be able to let it go and be okay with it. So I hope this serves you. As always, I look forward to helping you create greater impact and income for the people you serve and greater freedom in your life so you have the time to fully enjoy your family, your friends and your freedom.

Please let me know whatever I can do to help you. And as always, God bless and keep moving forward in all you do.