144. Awakening the Soul of Your Power with Christian de la Huerta

The emotions are weak, they're not strict, they're not good, they're not bad. And that we can find a way to express them that is a match for who we are, that we can learn how to express them responsibly, courageously, and even compassionately and gracefully in a way that the other person can hear. It not just dumping them like a two year old having a tantrum. And there's a way that we can step into our power in a way that is also graceful, that is both courageous and that doesn't require that we push anybody down.

Welcome, everybody. I am really excited to have with me today that's the passionate way you said, as opposed Christian De La Huerta, which is a very not so passionate way of saying it. So happy to have him here today to talk to us about being ready to power up. Thanks so much for joining me today, Christian. Hey, Wade.

Thanks so much for having me on the show. I'm really looking forward to our conversation.

Awesome. So Christian has 30 years of experience as a sought after spiritual teacher, personal transformation coach, and a leading voice in the breathwork community. He's traveled the world offering inspiring and transformational retreats that combine psychological and spiritual teachings with lasting and life changing effects. And he has a new book out called Awakening the Soul of Power. He has been a successful TEDx speaker. He has a lot of people like Lori Stefan, who love his work. And where we're going to start this is just with a very simple question. And I'd ask you to just address this, Christian, because I know you obviously look with this is have you ever said yes when inside you really felt like saying no to something and not being one of these sort of first telltale signs that you're not really stating your power? Would you share a little bit about that, Christian?

Yeah, for sure. Many times I've said yes when inside, I felt no. And we all have for all the reasons that we do, which is to avoid conflict, to maintain a semblance of peace and our relationships. And the thing is that we all have an ambivalent relationship to power, to personal power. We want it. We long for it. But at the same time, we're afraid of it. We're afraid that we might abuse it. We're afraid that if we really beat all of who we are and step into our full power, that people would might reject us and not know how to do with us, how to deal with us. And no wonder, all we got to do is on any given day is turn on the news and we witness at least one abuse of power. So we've got that connection already, Wade. On top of that, we've got all these other layers of association with power is a bad thing. Power corrupts. Absolute. Power corrupts absolutely. What they didn't tell us is that that quote was referring to political power, not personal power. And add to that mix the fact that we've all been conditioned to be afraid of the emotions.

We've labeled the emotions weakness. We hate conflict. We avoid confrontation. And when you put all that together, what happens is we give our power away. We say yes when inside we feel no. And the saddest, lamest part of it is that we do it for an illusion of security. We give away our power for a false sense of security and for crumbs, for morsels of pseudo love.

Yeah, I think of our children that my wife and I have. And when I first started out as a parent, I really held back on saying when I wasn't happy with something because I wanted to be a nice parent, a kind parent, a good parent. And again, there's that sense of, okay, well, if I express displeasure, is that me abusing my power? Because there's this little being and I don't want to be mean to that child. And yet what I found, which I imagine is common, is I held my tongue multiple times. And then, of course, what happens? Frustration build up. And then when it comes out, it's not very kind. So the exact thing that I feared ends up happening, that this not the message, but the tone becomes, I've done it. I'm a parent. I'm not proud of it, but comes out verbally too strong, borderline abusive in the sense of just frustration over something that the child is now really confused because I just did this one thing. They haven't been keeping score. Like somewhere in my mind I have, but because I didn't express it. How does that show up for people?

Is that one of those ways where we say yes when we mean no?

It's one of the ways in which we have this misunderstanding about what power is like, even in saying it's abusive? Yeah, I would say rather than labeling abusive, I think it's an expression of power over which is more of a hierarchical power. The kind of power that requires that we push somebody down, power by force, by fear, by domination, by putting somebody down to properties and feel powerful. That is not effective in the long run. What you're talking about is exactly what happens because we have been conditioned to deny the emotions. We suppress them. And what used to be spiritual teaching that everything is energy. Now we know from quantum physics that it's true. Everything is energy. That means the body is energy. That means the emotions are energy. And we know energy cannot be destroyed from physics. So when we suppress it and we suppress it and we suppress it, that's what happens. The next unfortunate person comes by and just rubs us the wrong ways as the wrong thing. And boom, we explode and cause harm to our relationships, which we then have to clean up if we can. Sometimes we make irreparable damage or the other thing that happens is we suppress, we suppress, we suppress we suppress.

That energy has to come out one way or the other. And if we don't express it, it starts seeping out and showing up in physical symptoms, cancer, heart attacks, ulcers. The thing to realize is that A, the emotions are weak, they're not strength, they're not good, they're not bad, and that we can find a way to express them that is a match for who we are, that we can learn how to express them responsibly, courageously, and even compassionately and gracefully in a way that the other person can hear. It not just dumping them like a two year old having a tantrum. And there's a way that we can step into our power in a way that is also graceful, that is both courageous and that doesn't require that we push anybody down. And that's what the book is about. How do we do that?

Awesome. I think of this idea of authenticity, and it's a word authenticity, alignment, being your true self. These are topics that, at least in my lifetime reading books, those been very prevalent topics in the last 10, 20, 30 years. And there's so many different ways that it seems to be expressed. And sometimes it feels to me it's this very childlike. Well, I am who I am and everybody deal with it, which almost has a sense of bravado or attention seeking as opposed to I'm just me and not this sense of, well, in your face, I'm me deal with it. It's more like I'm just me. And you know what? Some people are going to like me. Some people are not going to like me. And I feel that's something that is true both individually as a person and then in how we do our work and what we're about how we treat people. How does that play out for people in their sense of authenticity? And how important is that for people?

That's a beautiful way to frame it. And it's critically important. Critically, yes. What you're talking about is you could also connect to power. So that way of expressing power that you're talking about is kind of in your face adolescent rebelliousness, which isn't authentic. Right. That's just part of that process of individuation in that development from complete dependency into a sense of who we are. And some people just get stuck in that and never find a way of landing into to authentic being and self expressing and having that such a deep sense of who we are that there's no need to prove anything to anybody. And that's one of the ways in which I talk about soulful power. So one of the things that I do in the book is compare worldly power, the way that the world relates to power, as opposed to authentic power or spiritual power or soulful power. One is based on external. So we tend to associate people who have power with people who have money, who are famous, who are high up in some kind of hierarchy, whether it's a corporate ladder or some institution, some organization. But the thing about all those kinds of powers, that because they're outside of us, they're fickle here today, gone tomorrow.

Whereas the other kind of power that you're pointing us to, which is internal, it's like nobody can give that to us. Nobody can take it away. We are the only ones who can give it away for all those reasons that we were talking about earlier. And that kind of power, it's humble, like it doesn't need to prove anything to anybody. It just is. And it's actually mighty. Think about a Gandhi or a Gandalf in their simple monastic robes. They're sandal feet. You would never know how much power they hold until it's needed. And then watch how Gandhi brought the British Empire to its knees when it was at its highest, highest point in terms of global expansion without ever landing a punch or shooting a gun. Talk about power.

Yeah, I think there's something that when you get a chance to experience and I'm blessed to have parents, fathers and entrepreneur mothers, always been involved in reading, spirituality, psychology, different ways of thinking that has always kept me involved in this. And I just always feel like this idea. Remember even reading some of Wayne Dyer's work actually Maslow's work about selfactualizing people. And when we're where we are, it's just that sense of comfort. And you said nothing to prove. There's nothing to prove because I'm just who I am. And I think of so many of the power struggles people get into, and it's usually when they're trying to prove something they're not certain about. So, for example, I'm not going to argue with somebody that I'm a human being. I am. So you could argue that with me any more than you say, well, wait, you're a platypus. Well, I'm not going to have that argument either. I know I'm not a platypus, but if you tell me that I'm not a good father, well, that's a soft spot for me, really. It's important for me to be a good father. And yes, I'm human. I want people to think I'm a good father.

I want people to think I'm a good person. So if you come at me with that, there's a little self doubt. So I've got to kind of check in first, and I think speak a little more, if you don't mind about this developing of this internal power, because let's say my example, whether it's the good person, the good parents, the good business person, the person that says, well, I want money, but I don't want to be greedy. How do we balance that sense of wanting something without over committing to it and without even perhaps being too dependent on external feedback? Because as you mentioned, that's such a dangerous thing when we're so needing that validation outside as opposed to, let's say if I do a good job, I get compensated. And that is a form of validation, perhaps slightly different than adoration or praise or Facebook likes. How does one balance? Because there's feedback from the outside world. I mean, if I say I'm a great father and if 100 people tell me, wait, you're kind of off track there. Well, I might want to listen to that. As opposed to one troll. How do we balance that?

Yeah, that's a beautiful question, too. And you're right. We don't have to look very far in terms of public figures who have all the money, all the power that you could ever have. And they're still miserable, they're still thin skinned. Their sense of self is obviously so dependent on what other people think about them and what a way to live. Talk about a disempowered way to live. And the way that you're talking, I think it's very good because nobody can make us feel anything. Right? So the stronger our sense of self, the more we know who we are, the more that we are self referencing in terms of somebody. And it's both ants. Like, if three people, 100 people tell you, hey, you might want to look at this, then you might want to look at this. But if one person just, like projecting all over us and they're saying, oh, you're not a good father or you're too much of this, you're not enough of that. It can only hurt us, right? It can only have that Ding, if that little doubt, it's even like remnants, like 1% of that belief has to be in there, because otherwise we can just go, what an interesting thought.

What an interesting thing that this person would think that I'm blah, blah, blah. Right? So the more we know ourselves, that's to me, that's what we always go back to doing whatever we need to do, whatever type of healing work, anything we can do to expand our self awareness. Because the stronger that sense of self, the less dependent we are on what anybody thinks of us. And we just get to be who we are wherever we are. And so I'm not dogmatic about many things, but going within is one of them, just like what they used to tell us in the old temples at the entryway. It's like know yourself. Like, it's almost cliche to say that if you want to love somebody else or be loved, you've got to love yourself first, because otherwise, if you're not loving yourself, how can we expect anybody else to? And they're not even going to be reflecting our authentic expression? Because we're not being that. We're not showing up as that. And the only way we're going to get to that level of profound self acceptance and self love is by knowing ourselves. And that's why this book is part of the series of three, which is called Caldin All Heroes, because the type of work that you and I are talking about is heroic.

To have that willingness to spend the time to take the work of to go within, to understand why we do the things we do, to be willing to look at our patterns in what relationships do. I tend to give my power away. Is it in romantic, intimate sexual relationships, or is it more with authority figures, like all that kind of stuff, and then looking at ourselves like, wow, that one hurt. When that person said that I'm not a good father, I'm not a good writer or whatever it is, that one hurt, right? So what is that? What is that? Because I could have so many responses to it. There could be so many possible responses to one comment. It doesn't have to be just like, Ouch, taking it personally, taking whatever they said is truth. And so it's a fascinating journey. And it is so worthwhile to do the work, even if it's heroic work. It's tough work, it's demanding work, but it is so infinitely rewarding. And as we're willing to do that, our relationships can actually have a chance.

Yeah, doing the work. Gosh, I remember my wife and I got really into spiritual growth in about 20 years ago. And we were going really deep into so much of the work a lot is that befored's work around shadow work and retention and all these things that are pretty intense as you get into them. And I remember at one point we even just said, well, okay, I want to pause because we were stirring up a lot and we were also a young couple. We were like, okay, we still like each other. We don't know too much. And one of the things that I just found was so interesting was as you start expanding your definition of power, as you mentioned, there are different types of power. I just think of the simple concept. For example, there is the power of standing up for somebody and being willing to physically fight for something you believe in. And then there's the power of being willing to maybe the words not fight, but to intervene without physical power, by being clever, by being smart, by being intelligent. And so you start thinking, okay, so what was better, the hero that stood up and thought or the hero that avoided the conflict in the first place?

And I think in both cases, there are conflicts that cannot be avoided. There are things such as perhaps what Hitler did. Somebody would say, sitting in your room quietly probably isn't going to make that go away. So this is not to say one is better than another, but there certainly seemed to be times where one is more effective. Again, to take any judgment away. For example, if you're a government figure or if you're a military figure, the least amount of lives lost and the least amount of stuff destroyed, certainly of our own at least would be one measure, hopefully depend on our compassion for the other. We say the least amount of lives lost. In general, if you read the Dowdy Gang or have that sort of view of the world of any life, being lost out of violence is probably not really a good thing. And most spiritual teachers, whether it's Buddha or Jesus whatever, would probably agree with that. And again, it doesn't mean that it's always true what we've heard. But overall, when I see people that are struggling with power, they seem to not get anywhere. It seems to be fruitless.

It seems to be somewhat a waste. Why is that? Because we seem to think they're so effective. We seem to sometimes think we're standing up for ourselves. And you mentioned that rebel power or that just unloading on somebody. How can we be effective in communicating when there's a line, there's a boundary without it turning into something that is perhaps I know toxic is a strong word, but something is just ineffective or not going to serve us.

Yeah, that's a really thoughtful question, too. I think the first step is what we've been talking about. One is self knowledge and developing an ability to be present so that we can, in the moment, not get sucked into somebody else's stuff, somebody else's drama. You and I both live in Florida, so for us, the eye of the storm metaphor is really alive. It's real for us. So we can learn the more we learn about ourselves, the more that we get into that level of self acceptance and self love, the more that we can walk in life as the eye of the storm. And we can let all the drama, all the circumstances, all the details of life around us, and we can choose how to participate. We don't have to get sucked into anybody else's drama. We can let people have their stuff. We can let people have their emotional experience. We don't have to engage unless it's getting to the point where it's actually impacting our life. And then there's clear, clean ways to say no and to delineate our boundaries in healthy ways. Right. In powerful ways, because we're not talking about becoming doormats.

On the contrary, we're talking about a journey of personal empowerment. But how do we learn to do that in a way that's not abusive, that doesn't have to be attacking back? And so the first step is that self awareness processing so that we know what our triggers, so that we can nip it in the bud right before we go over the waterfall, so we can learn how to identify the signs when we're about to get triggered, so that we can intervene and take a breath by some time, whatever strategies we need in that moment, so that we can choose how we're going to respond rather than react. Because it's that reaction that then leads to regret. That's when we say or do something that then we're going to regret. So the thing is to develop that ability to choose and to step into our power gracefully, without overpowering, without expressing in that abusive kind of worldly power, but just having that clear sense of, hey, you know what? That doesn't work for me. Like knowing who we are and knowing what works for us and what doesn't work for us. And unapologetically. The other thing is what we're also talking about, which is understanding the differences between the power, between the worldly power and soulful power.

And you pointed to something that's really interesting too, because it's not a black and white binary thing. It's like there are occasions in life when it's appropriate to use worldly power, like the more hierarchical directive power, like the relationship that you're pointing to in relationship with a child. Like if a child is running into a busy street into oncoming traffic, that's an appropriate way to say no, with energy for their own good, so that they learn. But from a place of choice in service to that child, that's the difference. Or for example, if we're standing in front of a room of 500 people and the fire alarms go off, it's not a time. Just like, okay, you're beautiful, beautiful souls, your beautiful beings of light. How many of you vote for that exit? Raise your hands. No, beautiful. How many of you think we should take that exit? Oh, thank you. No, it's like go, right? So there are times when it's appropriate to use that kind of directive, authoritative power, but the difference being is that it's in service. We're not feeding off of it. One of the differences that whirly power also always has an agenda.

Like, it's always trying to get something for itself. It's always trying to grab and it's always trying to selfagrandez, to puff itself up, to come across as having more power. And it's manipulative, it's deceptive, and it's all about force and fear and manipulation. Whereas the soulful power, it's simpler, it doesn't need to prove anything to anybody. And it's about service. And it comes from that place of profound, authentic self knowledge that we know who we are. One believes that there's a limited amount of power. So it's a zero sum game so that you're having power takes away from mine. So that's why we get so protective about it and make sure that nobody else has it. We have to squelch everybody else around us and get into power struggles and put people down and take them down and all that kind of stuff. Whereas the other one is like, if I know who I am, if I'm in my power, like, I got this, I got whatever you throw my way, whatever life throws my way, I got it. I know I'm going to be okay with it. I know that I'm going to respond in that moment that we come from that level of authentic self confidence where there's nothing to prove.

And so then it's like, I can celebrate you being in your power. Of course, it's like, yeah, go for it. We all need to be in our power in these most critical times. Those are some of the difference that are really important to get.

Awesome. Yeah. I think of the idea, like you said, the difference between does somebody need to go down in their power for me to feel good about my power? That's certainly not, at least in my experience, not a good sign. And again, I go back to the parenting example. A lot of people, when it comes to power abuse, they have this very black or white thing, the guy in the black hat with a black mustache that has a maniacal laugh. So I say, well, I'm not that's a really easy one to say. I'm not coming from that place. But I think even as a parent or any person, a new business owner, when we're operating from a mindset of either having to be in survival mode, either because we're time crunched or financially crunched or emotionally not feeling accepted and moving from that really dependent state to then one of perhaps independence. But that independence that's almost rebellious, like, hey, look at me. I got all this. It's me, me, me, because I'm still feeling insecure about that survival stage and I'm still trying to prove to the world that I'm independent. I don't need anybody.

You think of the rebellious teenager versus that next level of interdependence where it's like, okay, I'm in a better place. And I even think as a parent, if I even contrast the well to do, financially set grandparent and how they can handle and happy grandparents, how they can handle their grandchild versus the parent that's at the moment struggling to pay the bills and it's not better or worse, again, to take away that thing one's mean or bad one's in the moment, like, oh, gosh, I got all these bills to pay. And so stress comes up and then fear comes up. And then fear all of sudden starts highlighting things that could be threats. And then we worry about our power. Just that sort of cycle, I guess I've seen that as I've looked back at times in my life, and the decisions I've made, my worst financial decisions by far have not been powerful decisions because, wow, just now, think about this. The power was outside of me. It was a bad real estate investment, bad stock investment. And in both cases, there was a fear. What if I can't make enough money that I want?

I need this thing outside of me to do this work for me. And in both cases, gosh not a good outcome. And I just think of how different that is from this more patient sense of, okay, I'll get there. I might not get there right away. Like, worldly power will tell me that I'm going to get there with this really sort of attractive, sexy. You'll get there in 30 days or 1 second ABS or whatever it is. But I would have been more likely to get there and I wouldn't have lost as much. I'm wondering, how do we find and I was about to say, but it's not even masculine. How do we find? Because we're still being told men need to learn how to use their power. Women need to use other power. But what I'm hearing you express is that if we're soulful in our power, if we are balanced and looking out for people, this is not a gender specific thing. We might have to unlearn some gender specific things that we've learned as men and women. But overall, if I'm looking out for the people, whether it's in my business, in my community, or the people around me, that I can have some sort of balance of me looking out for me, being aware of you and yet still being an adult who can pay my bills, do you mind speaking next?

I know sometimes people again, they hear about authors that have these books on spiritual. They go, oh, gosh, here we go again. And it's going to get Foofu and it's going to get not grounded. How do we find something that's grounded for that person that's listening right now?

Yeah. There's so much to impact in what you said and come back to that question about the masculine feminine. I think that's really important to get into as well. And what you're pointing to there is you're talking about a fundamental shift in our relationship to life. And it may sound woo woo to somebody, but for me, these are hypothetical teachings. It's like I live this way and it works. And it hasn't been overnight. It's been a long journey to get to this place. I have definitely been in points in my life where I was fearful about how I was going to pay the bills and sliding in last minute to be able to cover rent or something like that. So I definitely know that I've been an entrepreneur for 30 years. So I know what we're talking about. And at some point there was a fundamental shift, which is rather than having lapse rate victim relationship with life, like what life did to me and living in fear about what may or may not happen because so much of what we fear are just in our mind, we're futureizing about something that may or may not happen or either that or we're spending the majority of our time rehashing a path that is gone, that doesn't even exist anymore.

And so that goes back again to the present thing.

What can we do?

Anything you can do to bring yourself to the present moment? It's very helpful because that's the only thing we know for sure. That is not a figment of our imagination. It's not a memory or a projection of fantasy. Hallucination into the future and the number that we do in ourselves, like how we scare ourselves about future rising, how this is going to be or this is not going to happen. And we preempt a lot of the magic of life. We allow ourselves to get caught in these places of fear because fear feeds on itself and creates more fear. And so the fundamental shift that I'm talking about that I now live in, it's one of trust and knowing that no matter what happens, I'm going to be okay. One thing we can count on is that life is going to continue throwing curveballs away that we know for sure. Like maybe five people in the world could have predicted a global pandemic before it happened or ten. Who knows? Most of us didn't see it coming. And for me, that was a huge after 30 years of doing weekend retreats, suddenly I went from 100,000 miles on an airplane to nothing and no income.

And so I had to pivot, like many people did, and start developing online virtual program, which I've known for years. I needed to do if I was going to scale and reach people who may never come to a physical retreat. And so that's the point where life is going to continue throwing curveballs. So it's easy to feel victimized by that. But when we reframe it, it's like, all right, the curveballs are going to come anyway. No matter what the curveball is, I get to choose how I'm going to show up in response. And from that perspective, just like reframing it that way is like no matter what comes my way, I got this. I get to choose how I respond to that situation that pops us out of this victim relationship to life. And it becomes more empowering to go back to the power connection. Because as long as we're holding someone or something outside of us for our state of being, if mom had done this or Daddy hadn't done that, or the teacher, the Minister, society sexism, racism, homophobia, if it only wasn't for that, and not to deny that all that stuff isn't there and has an impact on us is like, yes, and some of it sucked, and some of it sucks that it's still the way.

And how are we going to show up in response to that? Because as long as we're holding them or a system responsible for our state of being, we just gave our power away. So in this journey of reclaiming our power and stepping into our power and finding a way of expressing it, that is a match for who we are. That is a match for the goodness in our hearts that doesn't require for us to push anybody down or step on them. That's what we're talking about. And part of that journey is shifting this disempowering victim relationship to life into I forgot the name of the offer. But there's this book called Pronoya which is the opposite of paranoia. Paranoia is like feeling like I'm just waiting for the next shoe to drop. What's going to happen next? Like this adversarial me against the world kind of relationship, whereas Pronounce is developing this experience of it's more like a collaboration with life, where life has our back and life has our best interest in mind. And that sometimes even when stuff happens that we didn't see coming or stuff happens, that's not the way that we wanted it to be.

Often, I would say even most of the time there turned out to be hidden blessings in that, and that it was like kind of like a directive, a detour force detour from life that turned out to be a really good thing. But in the moment, all we can see is like, oh, my God, what a failure. That project failed, or I had to shut down my business when in reality it was a blessing. It was just a reshifting. It's like, here, go that way, it's going to turn out so much better. So that to me, it's a fundamental shift in our attitude and our experience of life that ultimately lands us in a place of trust. Like we can just live in that place of trust, that no matter what happens, I got this and that life actually has our back. Life has a vested interest in each one of us stepping into our power, stepping into our purpose, and really fulfilling that. Because if we don't do that, if we don't give expression to that unique human potential that's inside each one of us, ain't nobody else is going to do it.

Yeah, I think there's so much there. I think of the song by Garth Brooks, Unanswered Prayers, where he talks about he thought he was supposed to be with this girl in high school and they were supposed to get married. And then he runs into her 20 years later to high school reunion. And he realized and the song goes, thank God for Uninsured Prayers. That's what I wanted. And it wasn't for me. And there's so many examples we have in society of us. Things happen for reason and all these different things. And of course, it's easy to say that when you're talking to somebody else, it's not as easy when it's happening to you. But I think if you bring this, whether it's life or entrepreneurialism, and I do happen to think, as somebody who looks to have a three day weekend where I'm not focused on my work, I still think the two are so intertwined. I happen to believe that we're not supposed to work for people. I believe we're supposed to work for causes, so we might work, in my opinion, we might work together towards a cause. So, for example, you have awesome nonprofits that they're working for a cause.

But again, it's not that worldly power. It's a different type of power where we're saying, yes, we will because together we can do better. And then I also think there's some sort of self expression of I love the freelancer economy. I love what's happening with the world is people are more getting to say, okay, it's a little risky, but I'll do my thing. And I've been an entrepreneur 20 years. And the most financially lucrative part of my business was not a plan I made and some of the stuff, but at least for whatever reason, I was humble enough at the moment to listen. And part of was it because I needed to pay the bills, to feedback outside for me, for my customers. And I just think that's something that what you said. How do you view life? How do you either trust or not trust? And I have a bias on this because I come from a family that I've been well taken care of. So I admit this is not everybody's reality. But in my case, I just look at my life and I say, well, I'll say this to my kids sometimes, like, look how's life been so far.

It's worked out. And at times it hasn't gone the way, certainly the way I thought it would. And so I think overall, okay, well, even just the simple fact that my heart beats and I do nothing to beat it again, whether that's God, the universe, the quantum, whatever it is, something's happening there that's giving me something that I've not had to work for. And I do think that worldview is so huge to have that sense of trust. How does somebody develop that if they're looking at their current situation, they're saying, okay, Christian, I know you said maybe you did understand, but now you don't understand. See, again, bills are due the kids. What are some of those first steps a person can take to start perhaps pulling back from investing in external sources of power and more into those self referenced things or those areas where the power is either more within them or from some perhaps higher source? I happen to believe that exists. It sounds like you do, too. How do we bring that more in, as opposed to continually betting on Bitcoin or the lottery, hoping fearfully that, okay, it's probably not going to work out.

And I'm kind of hosed as opposed to starting to invest in something that might be a longer term investment, but probably a lot more likely to work out.

Yeah. And that's a huge question, too. And I think, by the way, that's one of the ways in which Cobid has served us, like so many people whose identities were so tied in to a particular job or a company that they work for, and suddenly, boom, God, closed doors. So for many people, I know it forced them into crisis mode. And if they chose to frame it in a deeper way, in a positive way, they took the opportunity to go within and take advantage of again feeling victimized by life. Okay, well, here it is. Here we are. What do I really want to do? So they took that opportunity to go within and dive in and to really begin to ask themselves, what am I here for and what am I passionate about? And what do I want to do next? Because the sad part is that we sell ourselves so cheaply for an illusion of security. Because if you tell me, okay, I'm making $750,000 a year, then we can talk about selling ourselves. But most of us are selling ourselves really cheaply for that illusion of security, of a bi weekly paycheck, because those companies, as we now have seen, could go belly up any given day.

And in fact, the entire global economic system is made up. We used to think that it's paper. Now it's not even that. It's just ones and zeros up on a cloud somewhere. And so is that what we're going to place our trust on, something that's completely made up in somebody's mind? I'm not going to put my trust on that. But what do we place our trust on? Right? And so I don't care what you call it. I don't care what you call it life, I don't care what you call it, like God or Spirit or the universe or whatever it is, the great intelligence, because we are part of that. That's such a huge conversation, too. If we're going to say, like some of the Western religions, let me back up and say, I think one of the worst disservices that some religions and I would say religion in general, not all has done is the externalization of the sacred. Like, how much further could we have placed the sacred? And where the hell is heaven anyway? Because if we're going to go with even the Western teachings that God is omnipresent, that God is everywhere, don't tell me that God is everywhere except for us.

When the human ego, when the humans developed an ego, meaning the individual sense of personality, the identity, that's when we had the first split in consciousness, that we feel separate from that we feel disconnected from each other and from ourselves and from everything else. Which, by the way, Ken Wobble writes about how that moment of what the ego developed, that sense of individual personality, this is Christian that's weighed that's what's mythologized all around the globe as the exposure from the garden, because that's when we had that first sense of separation. Before that, he writes about, we were at one with connected to everything else, just like all the other creatures on the planet. When that ego developed, it was a huge leap in consciousness. Like, wow, there's a lot to be said for having a sense of individual personality. And it's a source of all our suffering, because that's where the sense of separation, sense of loneliness, abandonment issues, all that stuff, the fear of death, all that stuff comes from having that sense of individual personality. And so that, to me, is like, what you're talking about is how we shift this fundamental relationship entails understanding what the ego mind is, and we don't have time to get into it.

It's a huge conversation. It's a core teaching of my book, and it's a core teaching of all of my retreats. Because if we want to have the sense of the kind of relationships that we long for, if we want to have a sense of personal empowerment, if we want to have lives that are filled with meaning and purpose, we've got to understand the ego, because that is what blocks us from having all of that. And that's what explains all the self sabotaging patterns of behavior that we get stuck in. But here's a quick metaphor for people to get it. You put a baseball in the center of the Stadium. That's what the ego is. Who we are is actually the Stadium. And we've allowed this tiny part of who we are to think that it is all who we are and to make choices, like important, critical, consequential choices about our lives, about relationships, about our professions from its very small and always limited and always fear based perspective. So I would say that's primary understand do the work. It takes the work. But it is so rewarding because once we're able to shift our identity from the baseball and start identifying with the Stadium, that's where stuff gets getting good.

That's where you step into kind of the reality of the Stadium is almost as, like, different physics that different laws that we don't have the language for it. We label them miracles. We label it magic. But it's a different way that allows us to rather than live in fear, we can find a way. And I speak from personal experience. This is the stuff I read in a pretty new Agey book. It's like I live this way. And I tested myself, covered. It was a test. I went from zero to zero income. And never once last year did I go into fear, not once. And I got hefty bills like everybody else, and roof to pay, bills to pay for, roof over my head and my personal assistant, et cetera. And not once, not once did I go into fear. So I know it's possible. Everything I write about, I know it's possible because I lived it. I went from incredible insecurity, from, like, I know not only self doubt, I know self hatred. My entire adolescence was long, drawn out depression with suicidal fantasies. And these days, no matter what happens, no matter the details of my life, no matter the circumstances, the relationship works out or it doesn't, the project succeeds or it fails.

In quotes, I've never, ever questioned my sense of words that is handled. And so I know it's possible to do that without a doubt.

Well, you know, the thing is, it's so interesting to me is if we shift to the sports arena and if people talk about some of the greatest athletes all time, you'd say, okay, well, let's talk about them. And I'm going to speak to body, heart, mind, spirit. Just four dimensions that we generically. There's probably way more in more detail, but generic four dimensions we talk about say, okay, well, this person who's one of the greatest all times, what's their body like? Well, they're in great shape. Okay. What's their emotions, their heart like? Well, they're passionate about what they're doing, and they're pretty able to maintain some sort of control over their emotions. They're not all over the place because otherwise, again, okay, tell me about their mental state. Well, they're sharp, they're intelligent. Okay, great. Does it stop there? Say, no, there's something else they've got. It's kind of like a Y, it's a mission. It's like I can't see the WiFi Wade right now. I can't see the radio waves, but they're there. So it doesn't mean they're not there just because I can't see them. But there's something else that's there. And that's the part that gosh whether it's mythology or movies or why does this song make it on the radio?

There's some sort of and we use the word soulfulness or spirit or something that's deeper and we can argue the definitions, which to me is almost useless, or we can just try to experience it and be immersed in it. When people are in work that they love, they talk about being in the flow and doing what they love or being a relationship that flows. How do people start to connect with that and yet still say, okay, but I've got bills. Because again, if we ignore the material world, well, that's not a good idea. We've seen what that looks like of people that just say, I'm going to go off and I'm going to live on love or I'm going to live on just these ideas. They're still bills and you'll still get evicted. And how does one start moving in that direction? So, for example, even the parent that's saying, but wait, I've got bills to pay, I've got kids, I've got a spouse. Great. What's that first step? To start moving towards something that then becomes something that's more inspiring again, that spiritual or whatever dimension we want to call it that then inspires us to get us excited.

How do we start doing that without being irresponsible, without fearing that we're going to abuse power over somebody else, but without fearing we're going to give away our power? What's a great way for people to start moving to that direction.

Beautifully framed question, and I think it goes back to going within and presence, like when you speak about these great sports people like Wayne Gretzky. What I've read about him is that he was so present, like in such a moment of full on Zen when he was playing that he could almost have a 360 degree view and almost see the direction that was coming before it actually happened, which is what made him so incredibly excellent. And it comes from that ability, which we all have. Yeah. It takes practice to develop for sure, but it's not rocket science. So anything that we can do to me, that's why there's no way to go around it as far as I can see. Go with it. Do what you got to do. Do your work to know who you are and understand your patterns and why you do the things you do. You got to understand what the ego works. That's where the first third of this book, Awakening the Soul of Power. It's all about understanding the ego and how it keeps us in that self Wade prison of fear and limitation and victimization and reactivity. And then any practice like any kind of meditative practice.

Right. And don't set yourself up for failure. Don't walk out of this Podfest. All right? I'm going to start meditating an hour a day for seven days a week, because it's just not feasible. And don't set yourself up for failure. But you know what? If you took ten minutes a day, three or four times a week, where you just paused and whether you're sitting outside with your feet on the lawn or your back up against the tree or just find a quiet place in your office or at home, and most of the time it's going to be boring, right? You're sitting there and you close your eyes and you're counting your breath or repeating a mantra or whatever the meditation type of meditation you do. There I go doing my shopping list. Back to the breath or back to the mantra. There I go doing my checking things off, my to do items, come back to reo myself. Back to the breath. There I went, rehashing an argument I had with a coworker yesterday. Back to the present. There I get futurizing about. Just wait till I see them when I get to the office.

This is what I should have told. Back to the present 99% of the time it stopped. Once in a while we have those great moments of no mind and profound peace and a sense of connectedness to it all and bliss and all that stuff. But those, to me are great and incredible experiences. That's not even the goal, right? The goal is the practice. Just in the same way that you have to dribble in order. If you want to be a good basketball player, you got to start somewhere in that same way. In those five or even ten minutes of observing ourselves, they are invaluable because when the rubber hits the road and we're about to get sucked into an argument and go over the waterfall and say or do something that we're going to regret, that's when that moment of awareness and self observation comes in, it happens fast. It has to be fast, because that's when I say, oh, that one hurt. Ouch. Pause. How do I choose to respond rather than just reacting, which is what we do. We react because somebody said or did something that hurt us, and then we react and we get them back.

Or we defend and those arguments, we know they never work. They never end well. So if we develop that ability to just be able to choose how we respond and to learn how to communicate our feelings, responsibly, it's a whole other conversation, like not only how to learn how to what we're feeling, but how do we communicate those feelings courageously? Because it's always going to take courage. Responsibly. Like owning that there are feelings because nobody can make us feel anything. Like we were talking about before. Compassionately. Right. Like understanding. Like the person that just said something to us, their retention are bad. They're just coming from a place of hurt or woundedness or whatever it is. They're working out their crap on us and projecting stuff onto us and how to communicate gracefully in a way that they can hear it. Right. Because the minute we point the finger and we say, you did this or you did that and forget about words like you always or you never hang it up. End of conversation. They might be looking in the eye, but the little ego that doesn't even know it's an ego yet, going back in time, back in time, back in time, one time in 2001 didn't do that.

And then it gets to be right. So that's not true. I don't always do that. And technically it's true. So we learn how to communicate from a personal responsibility and using phrases like, you know what? So? And so when you do this, I feel, blah, blah, blah. And so we get to communicate on experience, owning that it's our experience and we're putting boundaries, but not in an ultimatum sense kind of thing, which the ego is great, too. Either you do this and you stop it or that's it right? And we know how those work. Like, the other ego is like, oh, yeah, you're going to tell me what to do. Okay, let's just wait. Just wait.

Yeah. There's so much to that. And I think you've helped me with a new appreciation on how to explain what I feel when I'm present and especially to my work, because I'm somebody I don't plan probably more than about three to six months into my future. I've just learned a lot of things. Trust in the universe, God, that sort of stuff. And I've also learned that when I plan too far, it's kind of like fractions where the insignificant numbers after a certain number of decimals, it's still, you know, it's like Pi three point 14, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. No offense to Pi a little less important. And what I'm taking from this is just like an athlete in the middle of the game, wants to be present and fully aware, like you said, like the Wayne Gretzky example to know, okay, here's what's going on so that I can be my best meme, because again, we can only act right at this exact moment. We can't act three minutes ago. We can't act three minutes from now. I mean, we can, but that'll come down. It'll still be now. And so much of this presence you mentioned, I love that you mentioned meditation definitely at times being boring, but it's the work.

And so I'll just throw this out. For those of you who are listening to show, who consider yourself a hustler or a grinder, some of the most difficult. If you really want to take on work, take on inner work, take on your shadow work, look that stuff up, take on your projections and sit quietly in a room. As Pascal's challenge said, where are some of our problems come from? Sit quietly room and see what comes up. And it's not as a dare, but I've met so many people, I imagine you have two Christians that they're still unwilling to slow down. And they're one of the sort of causes or things behind their excessive Tibetanus and unwillingness to slow down is they don't want to think about what happened.

Exactly.

And until they face that, nothing changes. And so they're on this. And I'd love your thoughts. Maybe it's just kind of your thoughts on that, but it just seems to keep replaying the same thing. And we sometimes call that addiction or bad habits, but then they're still it's like, look, they're lashing out and it's like solutions not out there. It's somewhere in here. And that goes to bring it to business, that goes to why the investment didn't work again. That goes to why to me with certain things when I don't follow up. Wade, you're still not a fault. Oh, well, guess what? The guy who's making more than you or the Gal is making more than you. They may not like following up either, but they follow up more than you. And so now it becomes easier when I bring it into me. So maybe it's kind of a last thought. How does us looking at ourself empower us more to actually do something, whether it be in our business, in our life and make change as opposed to the blame, the victimization game.

Yeah, I love that. And I love that you've referenced a couple of times now being willing to do shadow work. I wrote a few pieces ago I wrote a piece a few years ago titled You Can't Namaste the Shadow Away, because in the spiritual community, there's a lot of what's called spiritual bypassing, which is like, oh, yes, everything is loved, everything is light. But then we can't avoid the stuff because that stuff that we're trying to run away from, that we're trying to numb out and not feel in all the incredibly creative ways that we try to numb out and run away from ourselves, whether it's drugs or alcohol or TV or workaholism or gaming, computer or shopping or sex. It's not effective because that stuff doesn't go away. That stuff is driving us and impacting us from the subconscious. And so that's why it's so important to understand those things and to be willing to dive in there. And I'm not going to lie to you like, we both know you've got a degree in counseling psychology, and I love how you weave in spiritual principles into that. You can weave that into your psychology, because that stuff, there's no escaping it and willing to face our inner demons, which is nothing short of heroic.

But once in being willing to do that, we heal that stuff, and then it doesn't have to impact us because that's what's driving the self sabotage. That's why so many people would be, like, right up to a huge deal or a huge opportunity, and then boom, we mess it up last minute subconsciously. So it's really important that we do this work. That to me, there's no way around it. There's no way around it. And it can be overwhelming in the beginning, but just a little bit at a time. That's awesome. Just a little bit at a time. And it begins with simple practices, ten minutes a day sitting with yourself. And it's counter intuitive, but one of the phrases that's often taught about meditation. So you got to slow down in order to speed up, because otherwise we're just like spinning our wheels, running chicken without a head, and we lose center, we lose direction. And it's not an effective strategy, both personally in life or professionally.

Yeah. And I think to your point, especially whether you look at this as an individual or as an entrepreneur, a business owner, a freelancer and aspiring entrepreneur, you look at some of the great investors, like Warren Buffett, and he's all about fundamentals and doing the research and doing the work. If it's true that you are your greatest asset in your business, you are your most valuable asset, not your car, not the building you rent or whatever, but who you are and your mind. And then doing the work is it's just a prerequisite. So where can people find out more about your work? Because I imagine there's a lot of people that kind of like, wait, I just want to know how to work. A three day weekend today. Well, this is some of the deeper stuff that comes into whatever the desire is and what it looks like, what happens. Where can people learn more about your workers?

Yes. Thank you so much for asking that. And yeah, it is deeper work, and it is so worthwhile. And it is the stuff of heroes. It really is. The book is available on Amazon, wherever books are sold at your local bookstore, you just need to order it. In terms of reaching me probably the best way is my website and then from there they can access different social media. My website is soulfulpower.com and for your listeners. Now if they will go to my website and sign up to be on my email list then you know how easy it is to unsubscribe if it doesn't work for you but if when they sign up for the email list they will get a sample chapter from the book they'll get a list of power practices designed to apply those teachings to our lives so that it doesn't stay at the level of information because what we really want is transformation. We don't need more information. We've got too much information in our heads so how do we apply those teachings so that our lives transform and so that we can have this kind of relationships and the kind of lives that we really long for and deserve to have and then they'll also get a guided meditation on trust.

So going back to the conversation on trust like what does it mean? And then I guide people through a process to land more in that relationship to trust that state of being and trust.

That's awesome. Thank you so much. I really just love so much what you brought to this. I love that you're an entrepreneur because this is not just stuff that you're thinking about. It's stuff you're implementing and doing. So for those of all listings, check out Christian's work. We'll have the links if you're listening on the audio, we have them in the show notes, we'll have them below if this is on YouTube or in the blog post as always, look forward to helping you create the life and the lifestyle you most desire so you can better enjoy your family, your friends and your life. Thanks for listening. You.